Theological perplexities are not supposed to happen to a 9 year-old. At that age, you are meant to play with Legos, watch Saturday morning cartoons, and get excited about shoes that light up on the heels. I had the latter in abundance. But at times, the former showed up during long sleepless nights.
In 1993, I didn’t have a blog to confess to the world my problematic theology. But I’m telling you now. Let’s call it social networking transparency.
Deep breath, James. Okay. Here goes nothing.
There were times when I stayed awake for hours, desperately praying to God that I wouldn’t be that guy to get to heaven and then, like Lucifer, say, “I want to be God.” I was afraid of going from heaven to hell in a heartbeat because of five words. This prayer happened often over the course of a few months. At some point, I stopped praying and believing that. Looking back, I realize that God was gracious to cause me to face issues of election, perseverance of the saints, God’s unchanging nature, and his eternal love without knowing it. In other words, he was creating a theologian.
My theology isn’t perfect today. No one’s is. But by God’s grace, I know a bit more than I did when I was nine. Whoever is foreknown by God is also predestined, called, justified, and glorified (see Rom. 8:29-30). He guarantees I’m eternally secure.
What thoughts did you have about God growing up that were a little “off”?