In eleven years of publishing posts on this site, I had only missed posting seven months. Seven. In eleven years. And most of those months off were taken off by design because of various seasons of life.
But then 2018 came.
We moved back to Nebraska, after having moved twice in the previous year. We’ve settled in to a new home. We’ve rekindled old friendships and started new ones. We’ve joined a new church and a new team. We’ve discovered our oldest daughter has autism. We’ve learned about sensory processing issues with our kids.
For Carly and me, we’ve learned about us. Good things. Hard things. Ugly things. Beautiful things.
For myself, this year has revealed more of my sin (and shortcomings) than I’d hope to find. Sinful reflexes of negativity, sarcasm, blame-shifting, defensiveness. Just to name a few.
Sin is like a sliver. You may not even notice it until a bit of pressure is applied. The pressure releases and you think, Oh, I can keep going on with that there. But you knock your finger against the cabinet or a countertop and you cry like a baby. You run for the tweezers and start to dig. It’s worse than you thought so you grab a pair of nail clippers. And it hurts like mad. Then, gradually, it starts to comes out, albeit with more pain. But then, relief. Even joy.
And you wonder, How did I ever live with that in my finger in the first place?
Of course, sin goes a lot deeper than the surface. And the thing about slivers is that they tend not to hurt other people. But sin does. And perhaps that’s what hurts the worst.
Here’s the point. Sin is so destructive that I’m often numb to it. Until a bit of life-pressure is added. Jesus tenderly pulls out the “sliver” and says, “Alright then. Let’s move on to the next.”
Relief. Joy. And I wonder, How did I ever live with that in me in the first place?
In this season of readjusting and recalibrating and relearning and repenting, I’ve been scared to write. Why? The best kind of writing exposes. The reader? Hopefully. The writer. Always. Writing is a way to see ourselves, others, the world, God in a deeper, more powerful way than before. I don’t know that I was always ready for that in the past year, unfortunately.
I think I am now.